enter: girl with a pearl earring
i read the book a couple of years ago. not bad. probably even good. there were droves of people queued up outside the inwood when we arrived for our primetime viewing. darren was so excited that as he urged me to jump out of the car to go purchase tickets, he began to speed away before i had fully disengaged from the passenger side of his fine fine automobile.
once settled into our seats, the monster arrived. poor hank. though he's only spent a total of two weeks in his new city, he already professed: "yep. it's pretty boring in Plano." central austin to Plano: there's a move i'd wish on my worst enemy.
darren rated it 4.5 out of 5 stars. i probably would agree it was quite good as well if i wasn't so jaded. as i anticipated from the previews, the screen was constantly filled with the chronically agape mouth of scarlett johansson. at least it's pretty to look at. there was also moment after melodramatic moment laden with audible sighs as she was frequently surprised and/or disarmed by other members of the storyline who tended to maintain overplayed poses even after their discovery. there were several moments where i spat upon the extremely unlikely event of a master painter (one who even achieved distinction before his death) proactively selecting an apprentice in the form of a lowly house servant. female no less. sorry, i just have a difficult time buying into this preface. but then again, he did have long, crazy bohemian hair which indicated he would go against the grain of society. and he was all wistful and tortured like. eh.
audience blunder: a man in the row behind us drifted off and engaged in snoring with ever-increasing volume. i was glad when i pivoted my head a bit and learned it was not hank (or evelyn) committing the blunder. since no one seemed interested in rousing him from his slumber, it was fortunate that a seismic inconsistency in his snoring pattern flared up and did the trick.
i couldn't help but wonder if the plentiful and gratuitous scenes of dead animal would push evelyn over the edge of the vegetarian cliff. i was pleased to hear during our visit to the lounge afterwards that she had already eschewed poultry as a new year's resolution, thereby upgrading her status to peskytarian.
so we chatted up the monster during beers numbered 1 and 2 (which were enough to severely interfere with my willingness to pay attention). after many endearing glances and kisses (which i did my best to mimic with darren before he could push me away), hank got some mysterious ants in his pants and they bolted for the door. this left the two of us to discuss the woefulness that is my life, among other things, as i consumed beers numbered 3 and 4. at this point, we decided it was a good idea to order an iced buttery nipple from the bar in memoriam of the previous friday night. i'm glad we didn't. it was the beth-beers and darren-martinis talkin'.
*stay tuned for events two and three from the great movie weekend which are tethered by a theme of hair and homosexual tendencies.