the killing of st valentine sure has managed to put a lot of stress into my life. i wonder if his killers realized to what extent their actions would run. fuckers.
this year, i decided we would make pipe cleaner-cupcake liner flowers. violet has about 25 students in her class and 3 teachers. and a headmistress and office manager. oliver has 20 students and 1 teacher. then there are a couple of friends and grandparents and aunts/uncles/cousins. some for each other and daddy. YOU DO THE MATH. just let me tell you the answer to the equation is one, really tense mother.
i made three trips to michael's for supplies. the first, i spent ten minutes outside the door with violet while she screamed and cried over her jacket, initially. she wanted me to put it on her, but i was like... i don't pay all this money to send you to a montessori school just so i can put your jacket on for you. and then i tried to persuade her to calm down by offering her a seat in a deluxe tiny cart and said people can't go into the store when they're screaming, just look at all these quiet people coming and going. and she would say she understood and then scream-cry I WANT TO RIDE IN THE CAAAAART. which would negate the whole transaction and put us back in line. to my credit, i did not freak out even a little bit. i just turned us around and drove the million miles back home.
i spent three sessions making flowers with violet. and over the course of all those flowers, she never got to where she was like, oh, and now i pick out two large cupcake liners and one small one. so for every flower it was, now pick out the cupcake liners. VIOLET. pick out two big ones and a small. VIOLET, PICK OUT THE CUPCAKE LINERS. and then oliver came home the first day and did his usual thing where he just takes over like it was his idea in the first place and, at that point, we still didn't even know whether or not we were supposed to make them for his class, but kind of decided to go for it. but instead of making them for his class, he made six to put on his wall to decorate for spring. which is why i went ahead and made a third trip to michael's, 'cause i'll be damned if i'd get down to the wire only to see we were short two pipe cleaners. i could make five hundred cupcakes right this second and still have enough liners over to wallpaper the dining room.
on top of that, yesterday was brian's birthday, so we needed to crank out birthday cards and make sure there was time for going out to dinner. i went to whole foods in the morning to get two dozen vegan mini muffins for oliver's school party and a tub of soy yogurt for violet's party (which i guarantee you will go uneaten, like 90% of the food at every single party, what a waste, why do we keep doing it), three vegan bday cake slices for me and the kids, a GF vegan bday lemon tart for brian, strawberries for vday breakfast (you can easily cut them into hearts, you know), and assorted candies for vday. i had already purchased cards at target. i also decided to boil some eggs and do that ridiculous thing where you rubberband them to a straw and slice them into egg hearts, i know you have all seen this on your facebooks. i did this and put them in the fridge and managed to find the spot in the new fridge where things will freeze, and one of brian's rubberbands snapped in addition to his egg having split in the first place, and i pulled them out this morning and cracked off their iceshells. it still turned out fine. kids have very realistic expectations.
so after this mad flower/card/homework dash, at 5:30pm, brian finally returned my pleas to tell me what time we were meeting at cosmic cafe for his bday dinner and asked if we could do it the next night because he had work. i told him no, this was his bday and valentine's day was the next day anyway, so forget it. and he said, "see you at 6:30." and he did. and we ate and barely maintained sanity with children and vamoosed and lit a candle and ate our cakes, except for violet who apparently went mad and decided chocolate cake with cookie frosting was not delicious, but only after demolishing the entire thing and making herself a nice chocolate cake roundabout goatee. we gave daddy cards and oliver made him this baby out of felt. for real.
i got up with the first alarm this morning because i had decided it would be a good idea to wait until the last minute to fill out the vday cards. actually, i had planned to do it during the time between sleeping on the couch and sleeping on the bed, but it just didn't happen. and children began stirring earlier than usual and i slapped them down on the table like i was running a relay race and I BEAT THEM ALL. and they came out and were pleased and ramen's vday packet cards were there as well and they spilled out treats when the kids tore them open. violet immediately decided she did not like her dark chocolate quinoa crisp fancy bar, just like she didn't like her dark chocolate blueberry fancy bar at xmas. more mommy. so she ate one of her heart gummies instead. and then nice mommy left and screamy mommy couldn't get anyone to get dressed or make beds or put clothes in the hamper or find their daily folder.
i found a flower by my computer and asked oliver if he had made that one for me and he said i could go ahead and have it because he noticed i had zero on the table for me. AND THAT IS THE LIFE OF A MOTHER AND WIFE. that's the rhyme that was inside my imaginary card. you would think someone would have learned his lesson last year after i posted the kids' vday cards to daddy on facebook and someone asked what i got and i said NOTHING. and daddy stole two of the vday cards i had made and wrote MOMMY on them took a picture and posted it on facebook at which point i learned he had left me with one blank card when i needed two and he said he'd pick up more at kinko's, which meant i picked up more at kinko's.
and then i took their picture holding all their flowers outside the house, where nice mommy was waiting.
well, gotta go to violet's vday party at school. i hear tell she has the day off tomorrow for winter break. let's see if i can remember to not take her to school. or take the right child to school.