i did more bodily harm this morning by cleaning again what i had already cleaned for a showing yesterday. today, from 9:30-noon, we were scheduled to be on some kind of secret realtor tour where they hold these open houses every other wednesday. i gave myself some more vacuum- and steam mop-induced carpal tunnel and got out of here at 9:15. we drove by the country club house and then made our third trip to the social security office. the first trip was last week at 3:45 and that's when i learned they close at the luxurious hour of 3:30. the second trip is where i learned i cannot get oliver a replacement card with his insurance card unless it shows his date of birth. today, i learned i cannot get oliver a replacement card with his vaccination records unless the doctor signs it and rubber stamps it with her left ear.
i tell you, it has been quite a feat trying to get him enrolled in public school. our first trip was in the middle of their lunch hour, at the end of which some woman hollered down the hall at me that in addition to my enrollment form, i needed his vaccination records, ss card, birth certificate, and two utility bills. she didn't even take my form.
the second trip, a lady actually sat down with me and gave me ten more forms to fill out, which i started to do until oliver literally shit his pants and we had to go home.
the third trip, a lady made check marks on sheets and i got things turned in and discovered my second utility bill was only showing my online bill pay address. GOD.
after that, i drove around and around and got gas and oliver napped and it turned 11:30 and i met christian and stephanie and his parents and their children at their traditional lunching at blue goose cafe before they head back to old bishkek. we left promptly at one. i returned home to see no one had signed into the open house and the only excitement to be found was piss on our bed, which has happened so many times, it's hardly exciting anymore.
then i realized i had missed a call from my realtor's mom, who is her co-realtor. she had someone who wanted to see the condo and so we scheduled for 3:30, which happens to be when i'm leaving for the kids' wellness check ups at four. so i ate a frozen rice bowl, which i had heated up, and tricked the children by eating leftover praline almond ice cream right there in front of them without them knowing it and then i sauntered into the front living room and shrieked, thinking i had just happened upon some kind of mutatnt, armless salamander which ozzy had had his way with. it looked bloody-mouthed and oliver claimed it was missing an eye and i shrieked and shrieked and gathered up a paper towel and scooped it up and thought about trying to ID it or save it for brian to ID or maybe throw in the trash and then it rolled off the paper towel and back on to the floor with a CLACK. and i thought, well lordy be. it sure kind of looks like an entire claw. ONE OF THE CATS LOST AN ENTIRE CLAW.
and then i remembered how for years i thought it would probably be prudent to take oskar and his teeth to the vet because his fangs didn't look so pearly, but then i would think about the last time i took him to the vet a million years ago and how he was so fucking freaked out i was nearly certain he was about to have a heart attack, all panting and trying to find places to hide on the sparsely populated vet counter. and that was that, i never took him again. because he's so hale and hearty, aside from the fangs.
well, it occurred to me that OSKAR'S FANG HAD FALLEN STRAIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF HIS HEAD. and boy did it look nasty, like a chewed up, inch-long, armless salamander. OH MY GOD, REALLY!? a prime example of instant karma for the pee, right fella?
and then he went off to eat some kibble and consider peeing on the fresh bedcover.
now, i have an appointemnt at the vet at 6:30. because i have not had enough appointments today. i wonder how that will go, poking around the mouth of the strongest fraidy cat in town. i wonder if i'll have to pay for relaxing gas.