during the wee hours of the morning, juana shit on the bedcovers whilst brian and violet slept underneath them. SHE SHIT RIGHT UP THERE ON BRIAN WHILE HE SLEPT.
and, as anyone who knows brian's penchant for sleeping might conclude, the horrible stench of the brand of cat diarrhea that juana is capable of churning from her bowels, like some kind of rancid feces pudding, did not wake brian.
i think it is likely impossible to truly relate the depths of smell to which this cat's shit will plunge, without one experiencing it directly with one's own nose. despite the fact that most all of you live at least hundreds of miles away, it would not surprise me to learn you could smell a fresh batch from where you're sitting. i have been woken by this unsavory aroma from multiple rooms and doors away. i could smell this morning's crime for a couple of hours. and yet, yet, they slept under that warming, spreading blanket of liquefied anal expulsions. perhaps they were so close they were simply passed out from the smell.
i fear we may never see juana again. despite many attempts to have her body and feces analyzed, multiple vets seem to have no sense of urgency over the fact that this animal has the habit of spreading this muck gleefully over all our fine furnishings... leaving brian to jail her up in our bathroom for considerable hours every day, allowing her reprieves when he retires at night. i frequently grant her furloughs (FURloughs!) when i cannot take the pitiful whining any longer during the day. but now. NOW. i mean, really, cat. what are you expecting here? do you WANT to be locked up in there with your own, disgusting business? what do we do with you? i have tried multiple times to unload her on brian's mother, but even she hasn't been willing to take this thing on. and this woman. you don't know about her and her wild animals. or, maybe you do.
anyway. i did have to wonder if i only smelled the excretions today because i had been brought to consciousness by ozzy placing his disgusting paw directly on my lips. if i didn't have that Toxoplasma gondii protozoa rooting around in my brain already, i'm sure it's safe to say i do now. let me know if i start dressing fancifully and falling all over myself to go on playdates.
i went to this week's monday montessori meeting an looked at the fancy display they had set up with the charming floor bed and woven floor cushion and just thought, "litter boxes." we cannot have nice things. like unbesmirched bedcovers.