i thought maybe i had finally, officially begun having allergies, like the rest of the human race. i've had some amazing sneezes for awhile. and then my throat started hurting a bit upon waking. the trees out there are exploding in a burst of pollen, so i figured why not? hey everyone. i have allergies. like you.
sunday morning, i thought they were really getting underway. and then, monday. my goodness. we're starting to mean business. i had to suck on this pointless, homeopathic cough drop brian was carrying around during our parent-teacher conference.
then last night. last night! i took acetaminophen! or however you spell it! i sipped a beer through a straw for extra numbing effect! the straw because i was too lazy to stay upright that long! i had thought i was going to fall asleep standing at the sink scrubbing dishes! out of nowhere!!!
i was up from 3:30-4:00am feeling some death in my throat. i began to fear i might crack some molars from grinding them whenever i tried to swallow my own saliva. i ate a blueberry bagel to loosen things up and hoped for that awesome scratching of your throat feeling. but it just hurt. i didn't want anymore blueberry bagel. can you believe that? i had another acetawhatever.
i managed to pass back out, i suppose with thanks to the mystery fatigue.
this morning, i googled that i was developing mono and should get that shit checked out pronto. but i had no GP. i started hitting up everyone i knew. dave was at WF when i shopped. he was asked. brian asked rachel. i called brian's far-flung doctor. they didn't call me back. i emailed marianne. i finally talked to the OB nurse and received TWO names. and was promptly called out for delaying my yearly girly exam.
i chose the name i couldn't pronounce and they scheduled an appointment so that i couldn't pick up oliver. so brian agreed to pick up oliver. and i went with violet and she bandied back and forth between being shy and being ornery. this is absolutely nothing new. we made it to the examination room and rani the nurse took my vitals and complimented my last name and i tried to pacify violet with ABCD graham crackers and non-educational pretzels. unless you count the pretzel shape as some kind of higher math. what do i know. i made a promise to myself to never advance beyond pre-calc. i kept that promise!
the doctor asked questions and sort of let me answer and looked in my ears (i forgot to clean my ears!) and looked in my mouth and said, "oh, yeah. pharyngitis."
and that is why i googled pharyngitis.
brian had called while i was filling out paperwork to remind me of how we always forget we no longer have a carseat for oliver in each car and they were effectively stranded at the school until i was finished. i felt like a huge piece of shit by the time i was on my way back to the car because i hadn't eaten since this morning and i was having to carry violet all around with my fatigue body and i hadn't taken any acetiwhataphen so i would get an accurate reading on whether or not i had fever. 98.5!
my neck hurt. my back hurt. my head hurt. i really wanted to lie down.
i picked up oliver and took my first ever ZPack prescription to walgreen's and went home to make a double batch of mac and chreese before brian took both kids to soccer practice number one of the new season and wasn't that nice of him? i took something like an entire 10 minute nap and felt like a normal person again.
1) as we were preparing for bed tonight, violet actually had me put her hand within range of the can of baby nasal aspiration stuff brian is so fond of. then, she put it in brian's hand and got all fussy when he was busy talking to work on the phone and just stood there with it. then, he got off the phone and squirted her in the nose and she giggled. that just don't seem right to me.
2) oskar, who has been in ozzy-imposed exile in the master bedroom for the past 5 years, has been appearing mysteriously and suddenly upon our dining room table. i'll get up to go pee or something and there he'll be. and i'll look around for where the hell ozzy is that he's not pulling out oskar's fur over this and ozzy'd be back spreading out on the red couch. mind you, i'd normally try to remove a cat's skin for putting its bare naked asshole right up where i will in the future drop a piece of macaroni and scoop it up and put it in my mouth, but i let it slide.
and then, it just kept happening. there's old oskar up on the dinner table. and then, there he is in the main bathroom. and on the main bathroom's sink, because he is insufferable in his walkings around on non-cat surfaces searching for water as if the water bowl he drags all over the other fucking bathroom spilling water doesn't have any water. and today, he was up on the table and there was large and in charge ozzy just a-lying on the floor next to the table. doing nothing!
it's seventh sign time around here. seventh seal? whatever. i don't have time for this.