through a last minute change by the client to a new project, there was a misunderstanding about a data capture requirement. we weren't getting the gender for a group of contacts, so i was lucky enough to go through 2100 records looking at the name of the contact and updating the gender field. under a deadline. i was nursing violet to sleep toward the end and feeling like a hefty bag was closing in on me. an actual physical pressure. it was one of those things where your fingers could feel the importance of every single push of the keyboard buttons and your whole body was tensing up around it. it was over with at 1:00pm and i was feeling pinches in the middle of my chest for at least an hour after that.
i find it frightening to not be able to control emotional stress enough to keep it from bleeding over into physical stress. especially when the physical stress continues after the emotional is diminishing.
it was awful.
and then, as a result of another miscommunication (my boss missed it in an email), the floor dialed all day on last week's list instead of this week's list. that one actually could have been worse.
ozzy woke me up at 5am yesterday morning with this ridiculous, completely mysterious, mowling he'll do. really loud. really annoying. i suppose it was a good thing in that it convinced me to get up of the couch and go to the bathroom, where i discovered a gallon of potential couch destruction sitting precariously in my diva cup. i returned to my horizontal perch and became entranced by Music Choice's 80s channel blurbs. it causes enough crisis to see all the 80s people looking young and glorious in one photo and elderly in the next. at some point, you have to start applying that to yourself. to top that off two songs in a row (xanadu and don't dream it's over) depressed the hell out of me by informing me the cellist from ELO was killed in a freak accident in devon whereby a hay bale ran into his car a couple of weeks ago and then Music Choice told me paul hester of crowded house and, evidently, the Wiggles hung himself in a park in 2005. and i laid there looking at his older person photo and wondered if he felt emptiness from the retreat of his crowded house heydays, though it sounds like he was keeping himself busy, and did he wear a mask of pretend happiness while playing Paul the Chef to however many children could tolerate watching The Wiggles.
i tried to go to sleep and shortly thereafter, violet awoke with a squealing set of cries and we were off to bed, where sleep don't live anymore.
last night, we made it to bed at 3am and i guess that's a magical time where violet will transition to our bed and still go back to sleep. i've been totally worn out the past several weeks and struggling to regain a foothold among the conscious and this was proven when i did not stir for a solid 3.5 hours and even slept through brian apparently snoozing the alarm on multiple occasions. we were all three of us mightily passed out. could've slept through winter and lost my summer fat.
speaking of, i went to this invisalign appointment through groupon last saturday. missed oliver's soccer game and the better part of a visit from grandma and pappy ken (also because of work). groupon was taking $50 and giving back a consultation and $1000 toward treatment. i'd been considering invisalign for after we got ourselves in a house and then we began our descent into being wickedly poor and a horsey mouth became my future. and then that groupon. temptation. i thought, "how bad could it be, the price?" groupon said anywhere from $2000-$8000. i mean, my teeth aren't that bad. so, they consult me and quote a price of $6000. SIXTHOUSANDDOLLARS! FOR SOME PLASTIC TEETH TRAYS! whoa. groupon knocked it down to $5000 and she said she'd check my insurance and see if that would knock off another thousand. but still, $4000! our plan does not cover ortho, but she said we could upgrade during the next open enrollment and basically steal a thousand dollars from the insurance company minus the fees from paying the higher rate. that would still have me paying $160 a month for 24 months.
and i'm thinking, brian super wants to move out of here after all this window bullshit going down and i don't like the thought of having to pay two mortgages until this place sells during a shitty buyer's market while we are receiving the wages of only 1.25 jobs. like, i don't want mommy's teeth to be the reason our children can't run around in a back yard. i'm also on the fence about the vanity of it. i mean, i'm on my way to having the upper teeth of a horsey old lady and i worry my bite will eventually get messed up and my lower teeth make me want to keep my mouth shut, but is that enough?
and then i thought, i've been spending a ridiculous amount of money at starbucks lately, having fallen completely off the anti-starbucks wagon in a big way because i feel the need to reward myself for surviving each and every day and oliver demands apple juice when he's with me and conscious. and i thought, well... if i could completely swear it off, that would make up a big chunk toward straight teeth bills. and then i thought, that's just plain ridiculous because i should be swearing it off and taking a chunk off future house down payment bills.
violet has been into bringing me her nay nay cloth lately to indicate she would enjoy nursing. and then she says, "no.. really. just sit right there. the boppy's across the room. here, let me go get it for you. really. it's no problem." she's maturing so quickly, it's freaky. such a little person. she's also turning into oliver this past week with her discovery and acquisition of natural ephemera. her hands fill up quickly with leaves, twigs, and acorns. just when oliver stopped insisting on putting entire branches of leaves into my backseat every single time he climbs up in there.
we were a little late getting to school today, so i got to watch oliver walking to chapel in front of my car. they go in groups of three with a big buddy system, holding hands.
violet has also become a big fan of Ride a Little Pony. she strolls over and saddles up on my leg and grins and giggle-grunts like crazy.