then, violet starts crying and brian starts hollering from the living room, "EMERGENCY. IT'S AN EMERGENCY. HURRY. EMERGENCY."
now, first of all, let me tell all you dads out there that you should never, EVER shout something about an emergency at your lady friend unless blood is spilling or bones are breaking or eyes are gouging or something else of that ilk.
so i'm dropping the wooden spoon into the pot and sort of freezing up in terror and think i need to go grab a rag because there is obviously a lot of blood spilling. i emerge into the living room and it's EMERGENCY all over the place and i'm being brave enough to try and see where the blood is coming from while standing far away watching brian hold both her hands.
and then, THEN, he informs me that i am not seeing blood running down her seated leg, that's poop.
i very loudly and seriously indicate to brian (and this is not the first time in the last four years) to NEVER do that to me again.
so violet had pooped the bejeezus out of her pants with yesterdays pizza sauced veggie burger and it proceeded straight out of her diaper and she looked at it and thought yum and proceeded to put it into her mouth.
i will tell you right now that it is a very disturbing thing to put a wet paper towel in your baby's mouth and come back out with shit. several times in a row.
that baby was just a-dripping with shit. on her legs, hands, face, you name it. there was a lot of hustling and bustling and paper towels and cloth wipes trying to get all the shit up out of there. even after all the wiping, she still smells of shit. you can see it lining her cuticles. she was pretty damn freaked out and i fed her some cereal to help get the taste out of her mouth. once i got dinner settled, i sat us down, which is where i still am, to nurse her back to health. the nails of one hand have been clipped and she has been severely instructed to not even THINK of putting her fingers in my face, much less my mouth.
ps: she has sat herself down to cat food two more times. what is wrong with this child.