changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003

and this is how my memoir would read.

i believe i mentioned to you several days ago the fecal mess juana left for me to pick up from the floor. over the course of the past two days, she has been perfecting her technique and has mastered the art of total poo liquefication and the delicate skill of placing herself in the litter box, while the fruits of her labor splatter on the floor.

i have been mentioning her progress to brian and after describing the second round to him yesterday evening, he indicated he might like to run a sample by the vet for testing. just a little appetizer's worth.

the moment has just passed where i found myself texting brian, who is currently in a meeting, the words:

Serious about spooning poop?

i have hit an all time low.

it will be surpassed momentarily when i find myself kneeling over a puddle of a rather toxic substance with a plastic spoon in one hand and a not-so-Glad bag in the other. i can only imagine the sights i will see through that plastic window upon completion. i am self-medicating with organic animal crackers beforehand. biting off their little heads one by one. they shit cracker crumbs in my bowl.

you might be wondering at this point why we don't just use a covered litter box. well, we do. but since ttyki began making it her routine business to pee outside the shower followed by a stroll through the urine upon her exit, we thought taking the cover off one of the boxes might be slightly more inviting. this has achieved only minor success. what's even better is how ttyki has decided to begin patrolling the kitchen counter once again. this is like having a very large roach, wearing a urine-soaked fur coat, skittling across your otherwise sanitary food surfaces. the roach helped herself to part of an egg yolk this morning.

who would like to come to my dinner party?
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