changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003
ms_pooka

is it too late to run away?

oh, lord. today is oliver's last full day in the toddler program.

every time i look at my outlook calendar this week, i panic a little because i see how i can count the number of days until the birthday party on one hand.

this place is still a wreck because i am a physical wreck by the end of the day and my feet are like little hovercrafts. i'm starting to lose it. despite recent advances in self-control and understanding toddlers, oliver pushed me way over the edge twice yesterday before brian got home. like the good old days.

the end of the school year occurring will be like the setting off of a chain of unstoppable events. like the breaking of the seventh seal or the ninth or whichever. i'm holding on to the sides of the ride with white knuckled anxiety. i need some brakes. maybe i can just stick my hot dog bun feet under the wheels.

my unadulterated joy at the revelation that short term disability will kick in $500 per week after i use up my PTO was squelched yesterday evening when i also realized i still have to pay for my medical and dental insurance plans and flexible spending for childcare. which knocks the $500 down to around $350. the HR lady is checking to see if i will also have to pay taxes. it made me have tears. but i might still just say screw it and take off six weeks. it's like begging the universe to make me lose my job. i've been here before.
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