changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003

how to catch a man by the pool

i went with darren last night to see "swimming pool" because darren likes soft porn with naked girlies.

it was okay. there were plentiful boob and butt shots and even two shots of men in panty-like wear. scary europeans. put on some bigger shorts. i found the last scene to be a bit ambiguous and darren assured me i had not missed any subtle meanings. of course upon exiting the theater, the theater-cleaner-guy says "did you figure it out?". hey wait a minute! what does he mean by that?

now i'm in a quandary that perhaps i did miss something. it's reminding me of going to see "spider". i guess it's been too long since high school english for me to be aware enough to look for hidden meanings and symbolism.

at the very least, i did learn from the matronly character in the movie how to attract a man in five minutes or less. casually call to the gardener down on the lawn while you're standing in your muumuu up on the balcony. when he turns to look at you, casually unzip the muumuu, expose your breasts, and lift your face to the sun (there was a lot of lifting faces to the sun in this movie). next, go get naked and place yourself on a mattress on the floor and try to look as stiff as a board. wait for him to wander in and discover you.

i know i don't have a balcony, or even a muumuu for that matter, but i'm thinking of giving this a try tomorrow.

well actually, even though i know i recently swore i would never go back to the inwood lounge, i will be there after all tonight. we are going to the midnight showing of sixteen candles and i can't very well traipse past the bar without ordering a drink. so off we go. i will wear my muumuu tonight for oliver. that should scare him off good and proper.

tomorrow the plan is to lounge by darren's pool while he feeds me icy drinks produced by his new smoothie machine. i can't decide if i'm going to see flametrick subs later or not. then sunday it's off to the dma for the renoir exhibit and maybe we'll go stuff our faces at kalachandji's afterwards.

i will update after the weekend so that i can restate the preceding paragraph in the past tense. perhaps i will even update tomorrow so that i can restate the preceding paragraph half in past tense and half in future tense. very exciting.

i almost forgot to mention that i thought i was going to be murdered last night returning to my car. a man got in the elevator with me to go down in the parking garage. i say: "what level?". he says:"oh i'm not sure. i'll start with P2.". my car is on P2. he gets out of the elevator after me but is just too close. i take off at a good clip and angle towards my car. he goes this way too but does at a different angle that ends up landing him RIGHT behind me and in between two cars. i get that little shot of freakout adrenaline before he passes me and goes up the ramp. needless to say, i popped my ass in my car and locked the door lickety-split.

fellas, don't invade the chicks personal space when you're in the parking garage. spread it out a little why don't you. there's plenty of room for everyone.
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