no more (daytime) tv. i'm excited to revert to a life where i can go two days unaware that a tsunami has wiped out hundreds and that cruel and brutal wars have started with gusto in faraway lands. no more spouting useless facts regarding childhood stars, celebrity gossip, grass fires, and the latest weight loss candy. back to countless little bounces on the exercise ball combined with the fact that i'm less likely to stress eat my way through two meals by 11am and i just might have a chance of undimpling my ass and thighs a fraction and taking a chunk out of those stubborn last fifteen pounds clinging to my entire frame. no more sausage-tubing my way through my wardrobe.
back to having a chair next to me where ttyki can sit so maybe she'll be less depressed and stop losing half her bodyweight. maybe the pounds will come back so i can pet her without cringing from the feeling of bones protruding.
back to listening to music and starting oliver on a diet of auditory enrichment that doesn't include theme songs to daytime shows. back to finding new albums and new songmakers. i've heard so little music for months now. i used to not turn on the tv until the work day was completed and listened to music all day instead. now i don't even use the car enough to help with that fix. something that probably hasn't happened since before i turned sixteen and started sharing the volare with my sister has been going on: i filled the tank about two weeks before O appeared in the world. i didn't refill it until a week ago. that's about two months. that's how little driving i've done. and if you know dallas, you know that gas does not go a very long way when it's common to drive 15 minutes minimum anywhere you go. we are not a compact city. now if only my 200-disc cd changer would come back to life long enough for me to extract the hefty stack of current favorite cd's that it's been holding prisoner for over a month now.
a little positivity thanks to 20 minutes in a sling and a baby who seems to already be growing out of his eternal unhappiness as a confused citizen of a new world where he doesn't speak the language and doesn't know how to be heard except by furtive, ceaseless, earth-shattering, heart-breaking wails accompanied by the tiniest of tears that leave small triangles of salt behind in the far corners of his eyes.
i can't believe i haven't been hauled away and medicated for manic depression yet. among other things.
the ball + caffeine makes me dizzy.