October 30th, 2007


halloween mishap, a walk to the duck pond.

i was going to save this story for some kind of pre-halloween post, but oh well. we went to a halloween party saturday night for an hour and a half. oliver was on a roll and having the time of his life running all over the place and making brian chase him non-stop. oliver had busted into the room of the 14 year old daughter of the hostess. brian followed to find her in boy shorts and a bra. oops. there were also these other kids of all ages running back and forth. oliver was headed that direction after a group of kids had run through he was all "hey guys! yeah, let's go that way! let's go in here! i'm right behind you!" and he was all moving his legs as fast as they would go and then this little seven year old boy turned around and, just as i was looking up from two rooms away to see them framed in a doorway, he clotheslined my baby, hard, and sent him flying backwards at top speed until he hit the back of his head on the wood floor because he didn't want oliver to go in the bedroom. brian was not far behind and gave the kid a quick talking to while he was picking oliver up off the floor. i felt increasingly guilty for not having abandoned the people i was talking to and running over there. i had my "oh, don't worry about it i'm sure he didn't realize how easy it is to knock a toddler down" face on because i didn't want the hostess to feel responsible for an errant guest. but, i tell you what, if i ever meet that kid in an alley, i'm going to ground him three ways to sunday. and, as it turns out, that's one of the evil kids the boypants and bra girl babysits which means he probably didn't give a shit he was going to knock a baby off his feet. i felt bad for oliver thinking he just wanted to hang with the kids only to have one turn around and physically attack him.

yesterday, i had a breakdown. or three. i looked at the clock on the stove and it said "4:12" and i started crying into the phone on brian. i hadn't left the house or changed my clothes. i don't even think i had brushed my teeth yet. i had spent an hour and a half trying to get oliver to take a morning nap that didn't happen and made me freak out. he ended up sleeping on my lap later for almost an hour and a half. so that's three hours of my day spent just on napping.

today, i was determined to be better. after lunch, i managed to get the boy loaded into the stroller and we strolled on up the street to the tom thumb for some groceries and on up farther to the starbucks where the girl at the counter said "i like your cut" to which i responded "thanks! i need a trim." and i was all surprised because my hair wasn't looking all that spectacular and i had been outside walking around and then later, i tried to figure out what she might have said that she liked that wasn't my hair and i decided she had said "i like your shirt" and then knew she was wondering why i had responded that i needed to have it trimmed and then she figured it out and was all embarrassed for me for having non-special hair and thinking some complete stranger liked it.

since we were already so close and i'm a long summer behind on my walks, i continued on over to the duck ponds at the village apartments. somewhere in between the two, oliver became unconscious and i felt joy. the sun was shining, the breeze was cool, and i stopped to save a worm from certain death. or, at least, i moved him with a stick away from certain death on the sidewalk to a less certain death on the edge of the grass. i was a little surprised because i grew up watching those old cartoons where some highly talented animal goes fishing with a pole and the cartoon worm marches out, maybe wearing a hat, and he scoots right up the pole, spirals his way down the line and perches himself on the hook; however, this particular worm just kept squirreling around on the ground and not working with me and my stick at all and he fell off two times during his short trip to the grass.

there were hardly any people anywhere. we went down to the second pond and i parked the stroller by the bench. i wished i had brought crocheting with me and instead sat for awhile checking out duck life. i thought, maybe, this one handsome he-mallard might be checking me out from the water. he swam back and forth a couple of times with his eye on me and, just when i was starting to feel flattered, sure enough... a she-mallard came sliding out from around the bend to fall in sync with him and they continued on to their group of other mallard couples to hang under the tree branch. and i got a little jealous that brian and i hadn't been invited. then there was this badass turkey-duck that came along. he was huge and black, but shone an iridescent purple and green in the sun and his head was black and white and he had a ring of that crazy red bumpy skin around his eyes like a mask and his beak was black and white with this single, medieval claw on the end. while i was watching him swim in front of me, he stopped, turned around, ducked his head underwater, and raised his derriere far into the air. a full moon. and he wasn't wearing pants. and then, after he left, two or three other ducks came along and it was full moons all around.

i looked behind me and noticed this one duck pouring water on another duck with its beak. then it started pinching it on the neck and forcing it all the way under the water. then it was climbing up on top of it and i thought "oh god here we go again with the nature raping and why is it that sex in nature always seems much more like rape and i guess that explains why most male people animals are so persistent with the beating you down with their sex stick until you submit and if anyone out there is thinking of telling me sex stories from nature where species dig it, just forget about that right now." then it appeared they were maybe just taking a bath. and then, everyone was taking a bath.

i turned back around to the other duck parade and noticed off in the distance there was a gaggle of three or four ducks and a bit behind them, the head of a turtle. and i could practically hear the turtle saying "dum dum dum hey guys! yeah, let's go that way and hang out under the tree branch! hey wait for me! i'm right behind you!" and then the ducks started swimming away really fast and you know they were saying "oh shit! it's that turtle again! c'mon guys hurry up pretend like you don't hear him! if he catches up to us, just clothesline him!" and they were doing that nervous-excited giggle laugh that conspirators end up sharing when they're under the gun and the turtle was saying "hey guys! hey! guys?" and it made me sad for the little turtle who ducked his head back under the water and only saw pantyless duck bottoms.

i eventually got up and headed home. oliver slept the whole way. when i was getting all the stuff out of the stroller so i could put it back in my trunk, oliver discovered the bananas in the shopping bag and stole one. he could not have been more pleased with himself and he stood there grinning with his yellow banana and green shirt and white bloomers. he followed me all the way to the front door, stopping periodically to pose with his banana and grin. he went up the stairs holding my hand on the one side and the banana on the other. he pushed the door open and then closed. while i was putting the groceries in the kitchen, he couldn't take it any longer and bit a hole in the side of the peel and pulled it back. i came in to unpeel it properly and it was like xmas morning.

then he learned how to work this old fisher price, five piece puzzle i have lickety split and i was amazed.


aargh! i think i made a bunch of livejournal mistakes.

since hotmail has been blocking lj emails for like a week, i had been going to whatever that Comments section is on lj thinking it was just a notification list and now brian has pointed out that my journal comments are missing. it appears i have been deleting what i thought were only notifications, but what were the actual comments. why would livejournal do something so ridiculous to me?