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10 pounds of hot flesh. [13 Jul 2006|03:38pm]
these baby-laden days, i routinely take a look at what i now call my social life and realize that i haven't left the house in two to three days. i suppose such a life could be considered advantageous when the outside temperature begins surpassing the 100 degree mark. even though i pay for it literally when the energy bill comes in at the end of the month, it is much cooler in here. and if i'm not leaving the house, i don't have to get my appearance in tip top shape or even shower for that matter as i discovered on monday. so what if i end up hating my scraggly self that much more before the day is half over.

today, things were turned around. i left the house for two days in a row.

starting monday night, i had begun to notice what seemed like a fever burgeoning in our baby boy. sweaty, warm, red, clammy in a toasty way and possibly even a hair fussier. i know... it's hard to imagine he could possibly be any fussier. i know i didn't think it possible.

we monitored his temperature here and there and read the same thing over and over on different websites trying to interpret the results in some kind of meaningful fashion which could conclusively tell us one way or another what the status of our baby was. last night, he seemed even warmer. we did our usual multiple temperature takings with multiple thermometers under the armpit before contacting the pediatrician's on call physician. he informed us we should take the temperature anally and if it was above 100.4, get thee to an emergency room.

brian went to the store to get a thermometer with a flexible tip since i have tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed to find the one my sister gave us at a baby shower. we figured our chances of perforating oliver's orifice would be lessened with a flexible tip. brian returned with the flexible tip and petroleum jelly. then we read all over the internet how you shouldn't use petroleum jelly with a rubberized tip. of course, nowhere could we find out exactly why so we could make an educated decision.

then, of course, it came down to who was going to do the deed. neither of us jumped at the chance. and then brian started totally chickening out and saying he didn't want to traumatize the baby as he forcibly inserted the flexible tip under the squalling baby tongue and attempted to clamp his mouth shut.

i conceded. because i'm one of those firm believers in the exit only anal sign. his axillary temperature at this point was hovering around 98.4 (you add a degree to approximate the oral temperature).

this morning, i went ahead and scheduled an afternoon appointment with dr.terry.

it was totally weird because they gave brian a bill for the last visit for which we still owed $40-odd. it was weird because there were all these much mightier charges that his insurance carrier picked up. gee whilikers. in my world of insurance, you technically end up paying more if you elect to have insurance coverage than if you just skipped the coverage altogether. it reminded me that i need to file that complaint with the texas department of insurance and figure out why medical city's billing department has still not gotten back to me after two weeks and an additional phone call.

anyway...during this visit, spit up on dr terry's shoulder was replaced with a magnificent golden shower all over her while she held the thermometer steady you-know-where. i suppose it was his little dig at revenge. but she shrugged it off and laughed at us as she proclaimed baby urine sterile. whatever that means.

it also turns out that our little man with the cheeks of a chipmunk gathering nuts for a long winter and the physique of a pond frog has officially reached the 10 pound mark. for those of you doing the math, this means that he as accumulated just over 2 pounds in three weeks. to me, this is nothing more than the weight fluctuation i see after eating a snack. but when you were only seven and a half pounds to begin with, that's pretty impressive.

i think dr.terry is even more fantastic than before. she didn't cringe when i suggested laminating oliver's penis in the name of safety as brian asked her about aids studies in africa and she doesn't care if our baby pees ALL over her or pukes down her back or has baby acne on his face and eczema all over the rest of his head and she says goodbye to him and even tells him she loves him.

ps: there was this one time long ago when i purchased a six pack of two dog lemonbrew from the metzler's bbq/gas station where the labels had the distinct aroma of glued paper and smoked meats and made it very difficult to drink the beverage inside because of the close proximity of the label to the nose when sipping. why is it that after eating lunch and after drinking frappuccino, i'm getting a smell/taste combo in the intersection of my smeller and taster that is reminiscent of those two dog labels tainted with the heavy tyranny of smoked death? why?

pps: one advantage of going out into the texas summer heat with a baby is that it appears he tends to suffer small heatstrokes which will put him out like a light and allow me to do little normal people things like make livejournal posts right away instead of weeks later or instead of weeks later feeling silly posting about some little thing which happened weeks prior.
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