i had only ever been on a sail boat once before and that was during my recent trip to florida on a vessel two times larger and on waters noticeably less windy.
no one had bothered to warn me about the listing we would continually experience while on brian’s mother and stepfather’s boat.
i began to worry that once the boat tipped a hair more and brought on water, it would come rushing down into the cabin where we sat. i resisted the urge to pop up the stairway like a robotic carnival mole knowing that instead of waiting for the blow of a padded mallet i would find myself dodging sailing paraphernalia and commands to get the hell out of the way.
i was mocked heedlessly once i was finally allowed to climb out. i appeared to be more frightened than i was as no one seemed to grasp i was more concerned with securing my hat, getting myself unwrapped from my coat (which i was wearing straight-jacket style), and trying to not slide into his mother who was busy bustling me up the stairs. it wasn’t fear... it was need for preparation.
the day was beautiful: sunny enough to keep off the cold and breezy enough to fight the heat of the sun. we whipped around for a couple of hours and munched on honey roasted cashews with frito chasers before heading back to the docks and a motley assortment of quacking, squawking, even oinking ducks and geese, one of which carried the tail end of some fishing line from its mouth. hear that fisherpeople? your kind caused this poor, white creature to ingest a hook, line and sinker.
brian and i had arrived in killeen late the night before after a long drive, a stop at schlotzky’s, and a warning from an officer about a taillight. we slept in fits of dreams in the Room of the Dolls and i didn’t become fearful until the second night upon returning from a trip to the bathroom and passing the doll on the rocking horse in a burst of panic. i recalled waking up thinking i had heard something drop onto the floor and i then knew it had been one of Them, playing their games.
but that first night, i wouldn’t touch the two slumbering on the bed. one had already removed his shoe and the other had aged substantially while trapped inside her ceramic body. you could see it in her face, though her body hadn’t grown to match it.
the morning before the boat, we grazed on vegetarian sausages, apple juice, english muffins, and vegetable-infused eggs before celebrating our second xmas. in addition to knick knacks, scattergories, and mancala, we received a super fancy digital camera to harass our upcoming offspring with. it wasn’t until we opened it that i realized it would also be used to harass me. still photos can be ego-damaging enough. i don’t need the shame brought on by witnessing a countless series of them strung together in some horrifying puppet dance of me.
after the boat, ken’s brother gary came over and we grazed on salad, avocados, grilled portabella mushrooms and asparagus, baked potatoes, and lemon meringue pie. to work off the calories, we teamed up for a heated round of the Battle of the Sexes board game. it’s unclear who won, but the questions were heavily weighted indeed.
sunday morning we awoke late to a breakfast of waffles, vegetarian sausage, and fruit smoothies, hit the road, arrived in dallas, cleaned my pipes, and ended the day praying to the buffet gods at kalachandji’s named Jasmine Rice, Chinese Vegetable Soup, Greens, Thai Pakoras, and Thai Tofu. do you see why i didn’t step on the scale last night? do you?