changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003

how babies are made.

i just go to thinking that i should start conjuring up stories to tell the baby. and then i realized i don't think i ever documented the gem i created when my sister foolishly gave me the reins thanksgiving night to tell her children i'm knocked up.

so grab your mugs of hot cocoa and gather 'round the toasty pile of bullshit:


one lovely, sunshiny day, brian and i were walking hand in hand along the path that circles white rock lake when all of a sudden a large, white, crane-like bird came flying slowly alongside us. within its large talons was a fish.

the fish looked at us and said: "i have a gift for you."

then the fish said *hock*hock*spit* and out flew a shimmering, pearlescent seed which landed in my palm.

"place this in your mouth and then swallow it," continued the fish.

i looked at brian and said: "i'm not so sure about this. i mean, we just met this fish and all..."

brian said: "well, he is a talking fish and you don't see that every day so i think we can trust him."

i said "okay" and swallowed the seed.

then the crane dropped the fish back into the lake and flew away.

several weeks later, i started feeling really sick. i went to the doctor and told him the story of the crane, the fish, and the seed. he took an x-ray of my stomach and said: "yep. it's the seed that did it. looks like you've got something growing in you. it has four limbs and a bud and in june it will be a baby."


back on the ranch, ashleigh sputtered "you're going to have a baby?" over and over again like a little buddhist monk doing his daily chants and dylan endeavoured to verify the story. lisa, who had been eavesdropping in the hall with the others, said he should know better than to believe anything that aunt beth says.

i asked lisa how it happens. she didn't have much of an answer.

so dylan asked my mom. and she said: "i've done this twice and believe me... that's not how it happens."

"so how did it happen for you?" i asked my mother.

"well..." she stammered and trailed off.

dylan pondered his information momentarily while ashleigh chanted in the gaps before declaring my story must be true because nothing else really makes sense.
Tags: family, in utero
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