i just came back from a short evening of eating popsicles at condom sense deep ellum to walk into the bathroom, flip on the lights, and see oskar sitting and staring at nothing in what was once the dark as usual.
this time, i could see there was something there and oh dear god if it didn't turn out to be a little pink salamander sitting next to a wiggling little stripedy worm only it wasn't a little pink salamander sitting next to a wiggling little stripedy worm, it was a little pink salamander sitting next to its own detached yet still wriggling little stripedy tail. and in case i wasn't upset enough to see a little pink salamander sitting in my apartment where i now know a hundred of its little pink salamander brethren and sistren are going to now come crawl about on me while i'm typing or, worse yet, sleeping, i had to also see its detached tail still writhing about on the floor.
after making a lot of noise and trying to pick up oskar, who was still trying to eat the detached yet still wriggling little stripedy tail, to keep him from going after the salamander again, the salamander freaked out and ran out of sight and i plopped oskar back down and ran for a plastic container. and then i ran back to the bathroom to see absolutely no sign of the little pink salamander, but i did see oskar still trying to eat its detached and now mostly still little stripedy tail. so i started making a really big, really noisy stink about oskar trying to eat the detached little stripedy tail and the fact that i was going to have to pick up the detached little stripedy tail with toilet paper and the fact that, when touched with the toilet paper, the detached little stripedy tail would still move of its own accord a little. and then it took me like two or three tries to pick up the detached little stripedy tail all the while not knowing exactly where the little pink salamander had gotten off to... especially since my floors look very much like the floors in garages with lots of spots and colorations so you can't see what's in plain sight which might very well wind up under your shoe or crawling up your leg god forbid. and then, i was making such a very big, very noisy stink about the whole incident while i was trying to pick up the detached little stripedy tail that oskar got completely worked up and started wretching and then i thought (and said), oh dear god... you had better not being throwing up another salamander and i guess you would be sick after eating salamander tails, now wouldn't you?
and then i saw the little pink salamander and it looked all pudgy and bloated and tail-less and i kept trying to drop the plastic container on it and kept only dropping it halfway on it because it was up against the edge of the tub and it kept scurrying and it was really fucking freaking me out and then i finally got it under the plastic container and then scooted both the cats out of the fucking bathroom and then tried many times to call my boyfriend but he was far too busy with scores of miscreants busy purchasing porn to take home to their ladies (like the older man who's a bouncer in deep ellum who came in while i was there earlier to buy porn not knowing if his lady would like it or not and talking our ears off and pulling his tazer out of its holster and firing it up into the air before we had a fucking clue what he was even doing see what the porn can make a person do?) and all on the Lord's super special super fancy day. so i was left typing this instead before i go to bed and have a hundred of that little pink salamander's brethren and sistren crawling on me in my sleep.
how the hell am i going to get that thing back outside without going within 10 feet of it?