changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003

sat 7/2 – tues 7/5: vol.II - final chapter

i believe saturday was spent performing mundane everyday tasks like cleaning and buying beer. except that i could hardly say i clean every day and not risk being called a liar.

sunday began shaping up to be a low-key affair despite the fact i had invited six people over to watch the annual dallas july 3rd fireworks from the roof of the continental. i never heard from dave, darren opted for a co-worker’s shindig, E&hank were confused by my “come-to-the-3rd-of-july-fireworks” email which was later followed by a “are-you-coming-to-the-july-4th-fireworks-?” email, and i accidentally sent amy s’s invitation to april o’s email address. the only person definitely on the show-up list was brian, assuming he wasn’t going to be joining his brother’s family to float about on a lake in oklahoma. so maybe not so definite then.

i think it would have been more awkward having other people show up with brian than having just brian show up... though i was somewhat anxious to cement our new status in the company of friends. but since there was a possibility of the awkwardness, it was fine by me if no one else showed. i don’t like it when people poo on my parade.

brian did show up and i cleverly packed a handful of tecates in a rubber maid container with ice cubes and pornographic looking plastic ice sticks and we headed on over. usually, the roof is packed with 40-60 people for fireworks-watching. even last year when we went on july 4th, but the fireworks had been on july 3rd. i suppose i’m not the only person miffed by the city of dallas’ ridiculous july 3rd fireworks display, because there were only maybe 10 people up there to watch this year. we popped open our beers and settled in to wait.

this is brian waiting:
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this is me waiting (and a step-by-step progression of me drinking beer):
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this is the skyline waiting:
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this is tecate waiting:
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the fireworks were lovely... if a bit far off. that didnt’ stop me from taking horrid, shaky photos of them.

after the fireworks, as is par for the course, brian was hungry. we drove into deep ellum and popped into franzini’s pizza to let him feed. continuing the trend of deep ellum patronage, we wound up in the velvet hookah and immediately stumbled into a friend of a friend of brian’s who was huffing on a hookah with his “female companion”. we sat on the floor with some beers and chatted with them for awhile before they left us alone with what remained of their green apple tobacco.

wow. my non-date date was going great.

after finishing up with the hookah, brian drove me back home and made the mistake of getting out of his car to give me a good-bye. if you’ve been reading along faithfully, i’m certain you already know that this was when the blubbering began. again. i was drunk enough to initiate one final embarrassment by telling him he didn’t have to leave. he responded that he didn’t want to date. and that was pretty much it.

i went to my apartment all devastated (not surprised, just devastated) and prepared to put the proverbial last nail in the coffin.

despite the awkward end to our night, our plans for the following afternoon still remained intact and i headed over around 5 to swim for a bit with brian and a neighboring latino homo (the one with a poodle that sports a ponytail and sometimes pink dye) fresh from a bike ride and completing his workout in the water and in a speedo.

things were peachy keen with my new friend brian. he didn’t try to take my swimsuit top off or look down my swimshorts. we even played poolside scrabble until i felt i was going to collapse from hunger. then it was just a short drive by 10 restaurants trying to find one actually open on the fourth before we ended up at pei wei for what was probably the biggest meal i’d consumed in a month. jesus christ. it was big. we finished up scrabble on the couch and i reminded myself that if dave had been sitting there instead of me, brian’s knees would definitely be touching dave’s and brian would’ve definitely been leaning all up in dave’s space. totally. fuckin’ queers.

eventually, i went home. and i think i escaped the whole goodnight hug business. i don’t think i’ve ever seen brian and dave hug goodnight. they obviously do that when no one is looking.

tues 7/5 – i met with one of my other friends, evelyn, at the borders books cafe on lovers. she was rather hands off, as far as some friends go, and she didn’t try to touch me or hug me even once. she’s a cold one. i filled her in on all my non-eventful events and she probed the conversational ground before stepping on it by asking what darren’s take was. considering darren has less tact than E, she knew he had likely already tilled the soil so that she could safely hop on his wagon. the wagon with the tiller, that is. and it was true. darren had already said: “i would say you’re completely crazy, but i know you already know you’re completely crazy.” E, in her own more tactful way, seemed to agree.

but i didn’t mind. i know that crazy is a necessary step in the grieving process and i embraced it fully...

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