I would poop in your butt hole. Then you would poop the same poop back in my butt hole. And then we would keep pooping back and forth. Forever. ))<>((
it’s funnier when you imagine a five year old saying this to be sent as a text message.
at the end of last year, the xpo lounge lost its lease for absolutely no good reason and then the monkey bar took its place. brian has been twice and claimed it stunk. but i was still curious. so darren and i decided to imbibe there after the movie. true... the crowd was lacking, but the outdoor area had been spruced up. we were practically sitting in an outdoor, covered living room with two oscillating fans and a can of bug repellent. i didn’t mind it so much. i just could have done without the heaps of faux-safari wares from kirkland’s.
i went on a date saturday night. it was with brian. we hadn’t properly gone out since our pal-date july 3rd.*
we decided to go see deep blue at the angelika because brian digs nature footage and i had seen a lovely preview for it some time ago. who can say no to an underwater tornado of fish? besides, as i thought, it will be less depressing than watching emperor penguins huddled against sub-freezing 100 mph winds of which they had purposely put themselves in the path. (did i undangle that participle correctly?)
as i am sure is already obvious, i put myself directly in the path of that which i was hoping to avoid: animals suffering the fate of the merciless circle of life. i can’t bear it. i can’t stand it. i spent 20 percent of the moving staring at my lap.
why must all nature movies insist on showing the tearing of limb from limb?
“but it’s ‘nature’!” you say. “fuck that!” i respond.
i suppose you could say it’s “nature” for my cats to throw up on my couch or on a spot on my floor where my foot will inevitably tread. but that doesn’t mean i have to like it.
and this movie appeared to relish the hopeless slaughter of babies. they didn’t just show it. they showed it in slow motion. over and over again. i don’t need to see the bloodied, orca-disemboweled body of a pup seal being flung 30 yards into the air for his playmates to see all at a decelerated film speed.
at least i had nature’s cues of the classical orchestra to tell me when to start looking away and when it was safe to look back.
and then i watched five minutes of emperor penguins huddled against sub-freezing 100 mph winds of which they had purposely put themselves in the path.
after that, i needed a drink. but first, we had to stop by dave’s to feed russell and the new kid on the block: hewlett. we were greeted with a heros welcome of confetti made from a shredded roll of toilet paper. kittens are the greatest!
then we finally made it back to the slip inn so that we could sit on the back patio inside an old sky cab (or possibly ferris wheel cab, but “sky cab” sounds so much fancier). the odd guy we had been seeing all night finally told brian he looks like luke wilson as he sat perched atop my lap in an “ardrienne chair” (as one drunk chick called them). (brian was atop my lap. not the odd guy. or luke wilson, for that matter. though i have read that he’s partied less than a mile from that location. so maybe next time.)
i went on a date sunday night. it was with darren. we finally made it to a burlesque show called fluffgirls burlesque: jungle exotica. turns out this wasn’t one of the higher quality burlesque revues, but it had it’s moments. we were terrified of the schticky older man in white face make up with oy-vey-ish accent playing the role of count something-or-other while the girls prepared for their next song. we enjoyed the moment when the girl with wide hips and small boobs unveiled her thatchy thong with two googeldy eyes just before laying on her back and shaking her legs up in the air. chica boom was an adorable latino girl who had the over-the-top 40’s smile and the booty-shimmy walk down perfectly. girl #3 very much reminded me of the actress who played cristina in mommie dearest. and a local girl worked her way in there somehow and i was transfixed that someone could have thighs that skinny. a rockabilly boy in a vintage suit that i think i recognized from flametrick shows won the audience shimmy contest, beating out one of three girls who i think might have been from the local roller derby team who lifted her skirt and shaked a flabby booty for all it was worth.
*i know i’m getting ahead of myself here... i still have a backlog of entries to create arriving