the hours were long and i ended up canceling plans with ex-tommy that tuesday since i didn’t walk out of work until 7:30pm. i just didn’t have a party in me by that point.
this time, i insisted i had to leave town by wednesday evening to be home in time for darren’s 32nd birthday on that thursday. of course, my plans did not stray even after darren informed me he would be spending his birthday with alanis morrisette instead.
so instead of getting my gay on that thursday, i went to the sex store to occupy my new non-boyfriend-boyfriend with games of trivial pursuit and scrabble while horny couples and singles stepped around our game pieces. we dined from take out containers from whole foods and pastries (including a pig-shaped ginger cookie) from a neighboring mexican bakery.
i believe that was the night a middle-aged-plus man entered the door and asked if he could look around, but “he wasn’t going to buy anything he was just looking and he’s not ‘like that’”. i suppose he felt the need to ask permission because brian, as an employee of the sex store, was unaccustomed to customers coming in and looking at sex toys and was properly and righteously offended when they actually made a sex toy purchase. and more importantly, brian obviously detests gays. eventually, the middle-aged-plus man introduced himself and asked for bus fare. when brian declined, the middle-aged-plus-man tried to strike a bargain of just half the bus fare. well, he had already scored so many points with brian by pointing out that the sex store is disgustingly deviant (which, in a way, it is) and that gays are stinky, that brian gave him maybe a quarter of the bus fare. if only i could remember his name. because we were on a his-first-name basis by the time he left the store with his quarter.
darren was unavoidably stuck in traffic so he had no choice but to open his gifts en route to our first destination.
the highlights of his meager gift pile all came from various lower greenville sex stores. there were two cards of questionable taste... one of which sent me squirming to my knees on the floor upon witnessing its red-tippedness. the crowning glory was, without a doubt, a pair of pony panties identical to brian’s. i wanted to get a different pair, but there was no avoiding the fact that the pony fabric was by far superior to the others. to top it off with a special touch, i wrapped an almond joy bar inside of them as a bit of an “homoge” to caddy shack.
once darren had some time to spend with the pony panties, he had this to say about them:
The pony panties scared me. They are cut like girlie panties and make
each of my cheeks look like butter-topped bread. Icky. However, they are
rather complementary to my manhood, which made me giggle.
after missing our exit and experiencing some near life-threatening moments in the car as i took birthday photos and drove, i took darren to see heights at the magnolia to warm us up before driving to gaytown. and then i took darren to see four ridiculously cheap vodka&7’s at JR’s to warm us up while in gaytown*. (*see photo as proof)
we were feeling restless, so we decided to explore. once upon a time, long ago, darren and i went to a new place called mickey’s. there was no one in mickey’s, save for a couple of she-males, and we sat down on one of the booth seats lining the wall. then our server came out to greet us. our server was beefy, wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of man panties. as soon as he left, we literally ran out the door. i wasn’t ready for mickey’s yet.
but with the gaytown restlessness, i was actually wanting to see me some cocktail waiters in man panties. and, after all, it was darren’s post-birthday.
this is a photo of us being restless out on the sidewalk. it’s really bad. but what’s sad is that the other photo is even worse. especially of me. which is why i conveniently cropped darren’s head out of that photo and pasted it onto this one. because i think it’s funny to see weird photos of other people. just not of myself so much.
even though we’re not sure, in retrospect, if either of us got drunk (though on further retrospect, i remember thinking i was drunk once i was home and on the phone with brian), the remaining details of the night became fuzzy. i know there was a trip to throckmorton mining company because i had never been there nor did i even know where it was. and then darren told me that’s where all the beefy gay men went and so then we had to go. and then it turned out a lot of them were also wearing varying combinations of cowboy hats and no shirts while doing some serious white boy dancing. plus... there was a disco ball. i obviously spent most of my time taking photos of the disco ball before we left and went to