“you walk like this... lead with your hips.”
i tried it as my left angle wobbled off to the side.
"i might not be able to walk in them yet, but look... i can run in them!" i said as i proved my point in an attempt to secure some fleeting piece of respect as a femme fatale.
the only pair of shoes i could ever recall wearing that could even remotely be classified as heels were some pink satin pumps assigned to me for my sister's wedding circa 1990 along with a small bouquet of fake flowers which were attached to the top of my hair.
larry insisted it's easy. just wear them around the house for a bit.
i chose to believe him because, otherwise, i would be forced to go to a mall to find something else. at this point, i was already so warmed from my walk there that I was feeling too lazy to check out the selection at mark&larry's #1.
"right now, you can see mark with a beard on a mexican soap opera playing The Gringo Doctor..."
i returned home, slipped on some heels and began packing for the trip to okc the next day for nj's friend's wedding. as the girlfriend of an usher, i knew i needed to look swell.
last tuesday night (after my computer went comatose like so much terry schiavo on a diet), i went to la calle doce with nj, lucinda, dave, and the groom's fabulously gay brother ricky who was in from london and insisting we should arrive in okc thursday night for one last hurrah before the wedding festivities claimed our existences.
we bought his insistence hook, line, and sinker and once we had completed our tasks thursday afternoon, nj and I headed out the door, absorbent odor-eaters in place.
not surprisingly enough, we left just in the nick of time for rush hour traffic all the way to denton. to add insult to injury, we stopped in denton at taco bell where it took three tries for them to give me my correct order because "the woman making your order don't talk english so well". erego, the drive became unbearably long and we didn't reach nj's brother's until 9:45pm. upon calling them, the group who had insisted we arrive a day early bridled at the aspect of going out and informed us they were currently at the airport picking up a friend.
screw 'em. we went out into the rain and cold anyway and ordered beers at the hi-lo against a backdrop of gold and green tinseled wall. the group of pitiful finally arrived, bringing along an old high school friend who had beefed up and become a bouncer at a titty bar. i'm almost positive that's a line from a song i have.