changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003

thanksgiving weekend part II: the jew and the christians meet. come... witness the bloodshed.

"tyler is like a glistening, green emerald in the crown of east texas" is what nakedjew told my father and mother upon meeting them the saturday after thanksgiving. he then came and found me in the jack-and-jill bathroom where i had run to commence vomiting. what a fucking ass kisser.

after my dad took him into the garage to work on the cars and after my mom had him help her hem a dress and after i showed him the horror that was my formative years in photo form (where he mercilessly made fun of me for hours on end for being a really fat baby), the four of us took a "driving tour of tyler". it was pretty exciting. once dad had announced the plan, i could scarcely wait to see what exactly that would involve. i personally think the best thing we saw was this:

here's a photo of nj looking terrified from meeting my parents and mystified after encountering our uppity tyler beaners:

did you notice how he's sitting all prim and proper like? and he obviously decided to not wear his seatbelt in case he felt the urge to take a rolling tumble from a moving vehicle. little did he know... my mother's car has child locks on the back doors.

after our long and fruitful trip, we decided it was best to settle down to a game of trivial pursuit and containers full of social lubricant. it was the girls versus the boys and the girls won, of course. don't let anyone tell you differently. because they are just dirty liars.

after struggling with my mother about the possibility of running into the weird chinese jerry-lewis-like waiter, we ended up settling on liang's for dinner where 3 out of 4 diners at our table chose to consume tofu. holy crap.

in case the pressure of meeting my parents wasn't enough for nj, i took him over to meet best friend christie and her husband for drinks and conversation. i tried to drop hints that brian should switch us back over to the soft porn again, but that wishful dream never materialized.

at this point, nj was one beat little jew. but that didn't stop me from fucking with him about where he would be sleeping. but only because he started it. despite the awkward conversation with my father, there was no evidence that he should be sleeping on the couch. it was folded up and missing blankets and pillows. and frankly, my parents are too anal to not be good and proper hosts who unfold couches and set up pillows and blankets. so nj slipped into bed next to me all sexy-like wearing underpants and a button down shirt. i'm pretty sure i didn't touch him all night. why i bother to wear my sexiest lingerie when i'm staying at my parents' house is a mystery to me.

sunday morning, mom made omelets because nj is one of those freaks who actually eats breakfast. i'll stick with drinking mine thank you very much. we eventually resumed another game of trivial pursuit and, once my sister and niece arrived, ashleigh became a question reader. lisa ditched and nj talked us into an outing at bergfeld park. ashleigh asked if nj was my boyfriend. i told her he's 52 years old. i think she believed me. i heard rumors that she was concerned about liking him as much as phil. i'm pretty sure she did. she's in that boy-crazy phase. always has been.

i actually swung on a swing and hurt the bottoms of my feet when i jumped out of it. then i got an earache from the cold as we walked around the neighborhoods and took the tunnel under broadway that smells of pee and where little children are surely almost murdered every day on their way to the school across the street.

as nj and i were raiding my mom's stash of frozen vegetarian entrees, dad and ash had to hit the road on a mission so we said our goodbyes. this is where nakedjew kissed my 12 year old niece ON THE NECK. if she didn't like him before, she probably likes him now. that's more action than i got all week.

we then sped down the highways back to dallas in our separate vehicles. during the trip, i decided to endanger my life and the lives of those around me by taking photos of the sun setting over the Rose Capital of the World.
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