my last two hours at work brought along an increase in anxiety and i began to fear the stress of election night would brandish me with a fresh new Herpe.
nakedjew and i headed out to the granada theater to participate in an electoral-return-watching event. evelyn arrived followed by dave and amy and we settled in for what i just knew was going to be a great night of bush beating.
i quickly learned i was wrong when bush's electoral votes began rising while kerry's remained stagnant. as the members of our table immediately began making contingency plans to move to a nice central italian coastal town, amy suddenly took on a "kill or be killed" attitude. it was frightening and gratifying all at once.
and then nakedjew began shooting lasers out of his mighty jew nose.
we were very industrious in our endeavors to track the election results and spent much time participating in a grade-4-like quiz in an attempt to tally up all 50 states. 3 remained mysteriously absent despite our best efforts and some of us (dave) took to drawing pieces of furniture instead.
i've since decided there are really only 47 states and they've fooled us by listing some of them twice. trust me.
i like that we were gleaning our up-to-the-minute stats from reputable news sources like the daily show and (apparently) south park.
the beers i had been busy slurping down began to kick my ass and my empty stomach. we had all ordered "The Cure burritos" and when they came out with cheese, our waitress turned evil and tried to convince me it was just "SLAW". after i squished a piece of "SLAW" between my fingers, amy was kind enough to nibble it and profess it's "cheddary goodness" to the bitchy woman. she told me it would take another 10 minutes for a new one. as she proceeded to ignore our table for the rest of the night, a backup waitress was finally notified and brought it out after a 1.5 hour wait and comped it along with ... yep ... another beer. needless to say, the entire table was on board with stiffing the bitch on a tip. and then we laughed and laughed and took pictures when she spilled beer ALL OVER THE FLOOR!
by the time we partially sorted out our very screwed up bill and tried to tip the nice waitress but not the evil one, it was pouring down rain. NJ sacrificed his jacket and we quickly hobbled the three blocks to the car under our polyester tarp.
in conclusion, we started out happy and full of promise:
and we ended up sad, ready to flee for our lives,:
...or perhaps that's simply a photo of poltergeists screaming in flight from the screens... sent by the republican army to defeat us all with their dark forces. whichever.