when i decided to move to deep ellum, one of the many things i was excited about was how i planned to walk to the farmer's market a little over a mile away a couple of times a month. it took me approximately 2.83 years to take the first walk.
as i executed my warm-in-the-sun-mild-in-the-shade voyage, i scanned the bums in the art chairs across from the dog park for NJ's red bag as well as taking glimpses into the trashcans as i passed. nothing.
the pearl street farmers' market is rather overwhelming in its vastness. it's difficult choosing which of the countless vendors are going to receive my dollars. i decided to procure my roma tomatoes from an elderly gentleman who was manning the booth on his own. he started off with a smile and told me how lovely i was (wearing a sweaty wifebeater and the still-unwashed urban commando pants from day 2 of acl fest). at the close of our 20 seconds of time together, he handed me the bag and i handed him two dollars as he quickly assessed: you have a beautiful personality! god i'm a sucker for little, old men.
the stroll back was somewhat more arduous as i initially determined i must have purchased a good 15-20 pounds worth of produce. by the time i reached malcolm x blvd, i decided i had obviously miscalculated and the weight of my baggage was nearer to 40 pounds. it was unbelievable how far $12 could go at the market. (*later analysis using a scale quantified the load at 13.6 pounds. you try carrying it for over a mile in 80 degree heat and see how heavy it feels.)
then i was ready to do some more last minute celebrating of the remnants of summer. one dip of my toe into darren's pool and swimming quickly turned into hot tubbing. i made out with oscar while darren's new bee friend got trashed twice on his alcoholic cranberry goodness while we discussed blowjobs and rimjobs.
at kalachandji's, i'm fairly certain i broke the world's record for most bbq tofu consumed in a single sitting. i'm also fairly certain that it must have gone down the wrong pipe and landed in my uterus. all that soy mass with its phytoestrogens upset my little organ and caused it to go into convulsions in the middle of the night. i tossed and turned and whimpered until i returned to slumber clutching a heating pad to my sweaty abdomen.
next time i will check my menstrual calendar before dining on bbq tofu.
ps: as of sunday morning, i now know the sound of someone throwing up into a container hovering 20 feet above my head.