changing lives since 2003 (ms_pooka) wrote,
changing lives since 2003
ms_pooka

uncle sol's parade of half-naked jews at the elbow room

i found myself unconscious again last friday evening. there was no alcohol involved. just an increasingly sluggish metabolism which began its life when i was still in high school... so don't start telling me it's because i'm old. it's more likely a result of 'becoming a woman'. it's tiring work. i woke up from my three hour nap, dawdled for two more hours, and then went to bed for another 7 or 8 hours of slumber.



saturday, i actually accomplished some of the tasks i had laid out for myself regardless of the fact they produced no fruit. counter culture, ahab bowen... i sense there were others but they have since fled from my mind and they were fruitless anyway. there was yet another trip to cd world. this time for skinny puppy tickets and an impulse purchase of the new bjork cd. it is with sorrow that i think i must agree with lemonchiffon on this one. i can appreciate it, but i feel like i am listening to new age hymns as the disc spins crazily inside the player.

later that evening, after his insane garage sale giveaway, a certain jew arrived to whisk me away to a saucer of guacamole at sol's taco lounge (that's pronounced "SAUL'S", in case you were wondering) where lesser jew awaited in anticipation of spinning us countless yarns about questionable sexual maneuvers and cum-guzzling. we were then well prepared for our trip to the elbow room where the jews' friend scotty was in town celebrating the anniversary of his birth.

let's recount the event step-by-step:

1. scotty's fiancee was trapped in conversation by a first meeting with the in-laws-to-be. there was talk of rescuing her. but no one stepped up to the plate.

2. i was accosted by a simultaneous double feature showing of the bared bellies of nakedjew and scotty. this is where i left with lesser jew to acquire beer #1.

3. i met the man at the bar who was in need of friends and attempting to engage all bar patrons in conversation as they processed through the liquor line. he was wearing a scrubs-like shirt patterned with medium-sized old-timey trains. this disturbed me. even if he did possibly work in the children's ward at baylor as an orderly. this is no excuse for trains on your shirt.

4. i was hugged from behind by one of NJ's female friends if you know what i mean. i had to explain to him that her overwhelming exhibition of niceness towards me did not indicate she likes me or thinks i'm pretty. you hold your enemies close and find joy when you think they are lesser than you. she would've kicked me if she had thought i resembled a beauty queen.

5. i earned a free PBR (beer #4) when i was magically able to produce a sewing kit from my satchel and secure the button back on the sleeve of one of NJ's male friends. i did not stab him with the needle even though he was fluttering in disbelief the whole time. i am delighted that i sewed for beer.

6. i played pool with NJ and won because it was the worst game of pool ever played (by me). NJ probably was unaware that we were playing to see who could play the worst. he was runner up for being the player to knock the majority of my balls in as well.

7. after my permitted four beers, i decided that a fifth beer would be a considerably good idea and no one stopped me. i believe it was at this point i was so talented at convincing NJ i was sad at being ignored all night that i began to believe i was sad at being ignored all night. never mind that i frequently failed to notice his absence because i was busy kissing lesser jew on the lips. NO TONGUE! we won't talk about the piggy back ride he gave me over the threshold of my apartment if you know what i mean. shhh. then NJ scared him away by removing his pants. NJ's pants, not lesser jew's pants. LJ's were already off.

8. as always, beer number five wreaked a small amount of havoc on me the following morning. by the time i was finally able to have Bull Shit retrieved and kick NJ out the door under the guise of needed preparations for mexico, i was ready to settle in for a three hour nap before beginning the laundry process. i think NJ might be close to figuring out the mexico trip was just a ruse to keep him from staying too late sunday. much like cleaning his house was just a ruse to keep him from staying too late sunday.
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