oh my goodness. it looks like something dead partially wrapped in a plastic bag. as i strained to make sense of the object hidden by leaves, my mind secretly hoped for a grotesque tragedy.
i was finally able to make sense of the lines and shadows and realized that, for some incomprehensible reason, a hefty wooden bull had been deposited in my bush.
needless to say, i was so excited that i took to poking nakedjew over and over and over again until he agreed he would retrieve my find for me. i armed him with a plastic bag and a rubber glove and he wiggled his way deep into the bush and deep into the unknown. alas, i was so enthralled by the adventure i failed to photograph the jew's brave and generous and maybe a little bit humorous efforts.
once the treasure was safely inside my home, i carefully peeled back the plastic bag to discover the bull strongly resembled a lump of shit. sadly, the bull lost his nose during the rescue effort (it can be seen stuck to his hip in the following image).
i quickly launched into action by donning the gloves myself and giving the Bull the triangular goat treatment. as the water hit his worn surfaces, the distinct smell of rotting mushrooms wafted up to my olfactory nerve. so i hit him with extra helpings of hot water, hand soap, and a scrub brush.
i still fear that, even with a dousing of scott's liquid gold hefty enough to kill an overweight trucker, the wormy-wood bull has gone too far and i will return to my home to find it infested with termites.
but i still love him. i love that bull. i love Bull Shit like a triangular giraffe.