...consisted of a nap and a midnight showing of taxi driver. it was my first time. it was special. it was bloody. i learned that milo ventimiglia is a copy of robert deniro much like christian slater is a copy of jack nicholson.
birthday event #4:
i started off the day sleeping. then i accrued a parade of tiny bruises all over my body along with sore shoulders after CHANGING FOUR SPARK PLUGS and paying tim and olive(r?) to come wash and wax the hell out of the ford. i began to worry about them and my quote as their estimated 45 minute work time stretched into 2.5 hours.
no, i still could not wiggle spark plug #3 loose, but it wasn't for lack of trying. and i chickened out on changing the battery myself because i didn't want it to explode in my face, though i did spend a really long time looking at it while holding a bottle full of a baking soda and H2O solution. i was pretty threatening. i even took the air filter casing in to work on cleaning it as a dry run for polishing the chrome on the fenders. i will do it.
then the people started trickling in beginning with nakedjew who insisted on showering me with 1.5-week-birthday-extravaganza gifts including, but not limited too, a partially used bottle of store brand acetaminophen, an opened bottle of facial cleanser, and a rather thick book on weight loss. next came darren and amy followed closely by E.
i attempted to coerce preferred drinking locations from my guests, but they were on to my lack of indecision and forced me to squirm for it. so i picked the most innocuous site for starters: the meridian room. nakedjew started throwing hissy fits because the length of the bar was occupied by psychobillies and he felt one appeared to have a skunk on his head. i argued it looked much more like a squirrel. he also wanted to buy a drink for the large man wearing neo-nazi suspenders over his white T. i talked him down from that ledge as i did not feel like watching a jew get his ass kicked so early in the evening. life at the meridian room remained relatively low key after that until three of the five of us wimped out and went away.
the other two of us marched on to another place i can now cross off my list: lee harvey's.
lee harvey's is located southwest of downtown in a little place called cracktown. it's right in the middle of where all the crack whores walk their crack babies in their strollers down the street late at night. because of this, lee harvey's is encased in a rather large chainlink fence containing two playful "guard dog" puppies. it was the grandest of all white trash bars possessing a large front yard speckled with picnic tables and open fires reminiscent of hobolike fires one might find in a dangerous big-city alleyway. for some reason, they gave us shotglasses with our cans of PBR. i suppose so we could all drink from the same can without infecting one another unnecessarily. needless to say, i liked it.
we didn't stay terribly long. we shared hugs with nakedjew's roommate babyjewsus and nakedjew refused to believe that babyjewsus's lascivious lip-licking in my direction meant anything more than a playful "hello". i think someone's in a little denial about his jealousy. after i licked babyjewsus goodbye in the bathroom, we went ahead and meandered our way home. and then secret things happened. at least that's what nakedjew told me the next morning.
birthday event #5: the final event
i know it's tragic and i know we're all sad, but sunday rang in the final event of the 1.5 week birthday extravaganza 2004. designed as a kind of recuperation effort to round out our laborious journey, nakedjew and i traveled over to darren's where we allowed him to concoct afternoon drinks for us by the pool including rather energetic caipirinhas made with cachaca even. E showed up for a bit, but would have none of our swimming and drinking tomfoolery.
believe it or not, 1.5 week birthday extravaganza 2004 almost killed me at the very end. as a result of consuming alcohol during the training period and then during all the events themselves, my blood had thinned out considerably and my left nostril burst into a firestorm of unstoppable bleeding. it was disgusting. it was so disgusting, it ran down my throat and came back out my mouth. what do you think about that? pretty damn attractive, right? so then i tongue-kissed darren and nakedjew for the first time ever right in the middle of all that. the end.
i am 32. i am 32. i am 32.