the location: the magnolia
the event: free screening. the terminal
my car became a time machine as i left work 20 minutes late, stopped to fill up the gas tank, drove approximately 50 mph in the rain, and avoided being flattened by a firetruck ...while still arriving relatively on time to find darren lounging with martini in hand. see why i love independent theaters?
i grabbed my corona (they were especially low-priced) from the lackadaisical bartender and we headed off to stand in line for the required hour.
much to our surprise... as the line began making it's way to the door of the theater, we realized we were going to be inspected. for bombs? i'm not sure. as 'the guard' shined his miniature flashlight into purses, the best i could deduce was that they were very earnest about all cell phones and pagers being turned off or set to vibrate because there's no way in hell they were thorough enough to find any serious weaponry. but perhaps that's what the second guy with the wand was for. you would've thought tom hanks was going to be in attendance.
i suffered through a second turn in line so that i could make my way to the can and spend close to a 10'er on chocolate-almond pocky for our fancy, international side and sour patch kids for our white trash side. of course, SPKids are also good because the grains of acid brushed our teeth and breath clean and then absorbed into our bloodstream to suck up the excess liquid from our drinks so we wouldn't have a prayer of needing to pee for a good 12 hours more.
the movie was wonderfully flicky as expected. the premise was thin and disappointing and the stereotyping of the main character hailing from the former eastern block reinforced the image that people with eastern-blockish accents are idiotic, childllike, simpleton toads. other than that, it was fine.
the theater was completely packed. i wound up next to a woman probably in her 60's. she was one of those who can't differentiate between reality and the magic of movies. and i have a feeling there were quite a few of those in there that night. jesus christ. i've never heard so many oh's and ah's and oh my's. there was plenty of cellophane rattling as she attempted to fish a kleenex out of its travel pack towards the end. she executed a triumphant smacking-fist-into-palm maneuver to indicate her approval of the outcome of the storyline. she clucked her tongue in dismay. she made sad coo-ing noises at completely inconsequential bits of scripting. she drove me fucking batty.
on our way out, i couldn't help but note how even classy people are trashy too as i observed the wine glasses spotting the floor because they were too fuckin' lazy to pick up after themselves.